It's Been Fun
by ValkyriePoet
Summary: What else can she say? What else can she do? Acceptance, Tabris realises, is harder than she thought it would be.
1. The King's Duty

She isn't surprised when it ends; all good things do, after all.

It will hurt; it will always hurt, because she was foolish enough to fall for something that someone as lowly as her cannot have. Can never, ever have.

An elf with a King? She laughs at the thought, but it dies in her throat when she looks at him and sees everything she's ever cared about.

Leaving the Alienage to become something more, to know more, only to lose it all in an instant for something she never had any say in. But he hates it as much as she does, she knows. Her heart tells her this and she sees this in those eyes; those sweet eyes of Alistair's who are bursting with honesty and adoration and _love_ and is he truly going to let her go for duty?

Is she going to accept this over _duty?_

She is a Grey Warden now and he is King of Fereldan.

Really, it isn't even elf and human anymore. It hasn't been elf and human for a long, long time. Not between them, but that's not what his people would see; they wouldn't understand, but how could they expect them to?

"Are...you...going to say anything?" His voice trembles, as it does, and his hands fidget, as they do, and she sees everything she's grown to love in such a short time.

And understands it; what duties mean and what life means and what _everything_ means, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Did she fight so hard to overcome herself just to lose the one person who has cared for her and only her? Who has never seen her as anything less than a woman and a warrior?

The one person in this world that she finds truly _beautiful_?

She's seen other elves; she's seen other humans. None are like her Alistair. None are like this man.

And he's letting her go when she doesn't want to go and she has to decide if it's worth fighting for because he's right. It's duty and it's unacceptable, but she is a woman who contemplated running away during her first _wedding_.

"Do you want to know what I think right now?" Her voice doesn't quiver, somehow, and Alistair's eyes are nervous and worried because how is he supposed to know what she'll say or what she'll do?

He's a kind man; a man who deserves all the good in the world. All the choices he can make for himself. He doesn't deserve to be tied down; she'd made him King for him to show the world the greatness she sees in him (and because there's no way she'd put Anora back on the throne; the woman stank of lies and deceit).

"What...is it that you think right now?" He asks, and he's nervous, clearly, and his eyes show it because he doesn't want her to scream or hit him or any of those things he's built up in his head that he thinks could happen.

Tabris smiles at him, reaching and taking his hands in hers. He hesitates, but allows her to kiss them anyway.

"Okay." The words come from her too-easily and she can see it isn't what he expected and it's not what she expected either of herself; but she's put this on him and now she can't take it back.

Because she is not just Tabris and she is not just an elf or a woman, she is a Grey Warden. And he is not just Alistair and not just a man, he is a King.

"...just...okay?" He tests the waters carefully, as he does, because she is too quiet to be herself and he is worried that he's made a mistake.

Maybe he has, but that's not for either of them to decide.

"Just okay." She repeats her words, careful, eyes only briefly meeting with his before she pulls her hands away.

"This is what you want, right?" Her voice wobbles more than she means it to, and she hates herself for it because now he's _more_ concerned, but he shouldn't be because a King doesn't concern himself with people like her.

Because he is a King now and as much as she wants it, she can't have him.

"..I..."

"This is what you want, _right_?" She pushes harder than she should, and keeps her gaze to the floor longer than it should be, but in the end she looks up at him and offers him another smile and just exists.

"You're a King now and I'm a Warden." As if it is everything, but it is everything and they both know it, but that's not just the beginning anymore, it's the end.

The end of something beautiful and she can't even bring herself to be mad because she loves him too much.

It's not the first time she realises that she's willing to die for him, but now it just solidifies it in harder stone than ever before.

"It's been fun, Alistair." Her words are softer now than they should be and her eyes are wetter than they should be and the last thing she can bring herself to say before she turns to walk away is so simple, but so true.

"You'll be a good King."

Because now, that's all he can be to her and she doesn't know if it's worth it, but it has to be.

It has to be.


	2. The Warden's Duty

She loved him. Loves him. Always and forever. To the moon and the stars and the sun and the sky and back and back and back and back again.

Repeatedly; forever.

She knows this and as she stands on Fort Drakon with this hot wind that burns like dragon-fire in her hair and the sounds of blood gushing through her ears and screams and cries and clanging and banging, she knows what she must do. What she would always do. Over and over and over and over, however many times it took until this world she loves is safe.

Until the man she loves is safe.

And she wonders, as she has many times, what it would have been like to be normal. To live that normal life that her father wanted her to live; probably still hopes for her to live.

Had circumstances been different, she could have been there, back in that Alienage. Had she let herself be taken that fine day, and had Nelaros and Soris let them all be taken. She could be married right now. Maybe with a child on the way. Maybe Nelaros still would have died with all that's happened; she reasons it likely.

She realises, as she has many times, that she would have hated it. There was never freedom in that place. Forever and a day she would have lived a life she never felt was hers to live. Perhaps loved a man who never truly would know her.

It wouldn't have been worth it.

What she had with Alistair was worth it; even if it hurt to let him go. Even if it hurt to realise who she was and who he was changed everything; made what they were pointless, but not pointless because he had given her this _need_. This _hope_.

She remembers all the things good in the world because of him. All the laughter and all the tears and all the faces of those who had lives to live; lives she could _save_ with just a simple heavy blow to that struggling _demon_ writhing before her.

He will be a good King, she thinks, not for the first time, but for the last time as she heaves the sword from a dead man`s chest.

 _And it was fun._


	3. To Be Free from Duty

She wakes up and he's there and she can see that he's been crying, because he doesn't try to hide it.

Words he says mean nothing more than his actions. As he pulls her close to his chest, his bloody armour hard against her burning skin, but cold enough to soothe it all the same.

" _I was a fool_." He says it, and she wonders why he says it because it hasn't dawned on her yet that she's alive when she expects to be dead.

She expects this to be some sort of dream that she's conjured up in her dying moments, full of faceless people and muffled murmurs and things she doesn't understand. All she sees is her Alistair as she's known him, but he looks more broken and she doesn't understand it.

Then it dawns on her, but only when she tries to stand, but he has to help her when her sides burn so fiercely. When she's struck with such a pain, as though she's been thrown across the stone of the Fort a hundred times over, body crushed and broken, but working. Somewhat.

She's _alive_.

And it's strange to her because she had honestly thought Morrigan was lying and it was merely desperate hope that she had convinced Alistair to lay with the witch the eve before. What Morrigan had offered had been too _simple_ , Tabris had thought, and now she feels guilty.

"I'm fine, Alistair." The voice she uses isn't her own, because it's not strong enough to have him listen as he helps her walk; those faceless people suddenly have faces and she sees all of whom she's brought together and it _hurts_.

But it's a good hurt.

And it takes time for her to heal, but that's okay, and she finds it strange how Alistair is always closer after that. Always _there_ , because she had let him go. She let him go, but he's there, as if nothing happened.

"I was a fool. An idiot." He tells her, one time when she's actually awake enough to listen during bouts of unconsciousness.

(The healing process is hard, and Wynne says she's lucky to be able to breathe on her own. Tabris concedes to that easily, but refuses to promise never to do it again.)

" _Stupid_. How could I...? After _everything_...! And then...!" His sentences are broken, but Tabris understands; if only because she knows how she would feel in his place.

"But I'm here." She tells him, and it doesn't even hurt that much and she's taken by surprise when he kisses her, her face in his battle-calloused hands and any pain she feels right now is gone; only for a moment.

Alistair remembers himself, eventually, as he does, and murmurs multiple apologies while she stares at him in shock.

"...was that too rash? It was, wasn't it? Too soon? I didn't hurt you, did I? _Please_ don't tell, Wynne." He babbles, worried about so many things all at once, and despite herself, Tabris laughs.

It hurts like hell, but she doesn't care. She laughs and he looks worried and babbles some more, but she doesn't care as she pulls him forwards and kisses him again, tears in her eyes.

"Does this mean you're begging me to take you back?" She asks.

"I- I wouldn't say _begging_..."

"It sounds like begging."

"You could have _died_." Alistair whispers, voice now crackling and eyes further betraying everything he feels and she watches him and understands because she's felt it too.

"And it would have been worth it." She tells him, because she's obligated, and because it's true.

Alistair doesn't seem to like that answer very much, judging by how he holds her hand now; as if she were about to disappear entirely from existence. She wonders if she is because this can't be real.

"I've changed my mind." He tells her days later, when she's walking and gazing out the window of the palace into the courtyard, finding subtle beauty in the gardens and the business of the outside world she still can't see.

"Changed your mind? I suppose Kings are allowed to do that once in awhile. Not that I would know, really." She quips easily and he brings himself a smile, closing any distance between them easily as he follows her gaze.

"I almost _lost_ you. _Forever_." His words are as strong as the gales atop the Frostbacks, she figures as she peers up at him and those eyes of his stare back at her; determined.

"One good thing about Morrigan,then?" She offers, but he just looks disgruntled because he's trying to be serious, but now all she's doing is joking.

"I... _suppose_." Muttered and she laughs and then winces because it still hurts to laugh, but Alistair _always_ makes her laugh.

Dear Maker, she loves him so much.

"The point _is_ , that I don't care anymore. About what others think." Soft voice, tender eyes, his hands come to her face and hold it steady.

"...no...?" Her tone is much softer now, and she's not sure, but also very sure.

"I want you. I love _you_." He's so firm in his declaration and she smiles because that's her Alistair and she loves him; especially when he's confident.

Or silly. Or everything. She just loves everything about him.

"You'll still need to take a wife; have an heir." Tabris reminds him softly, because that much about royalty she knows.

"If it's even possible for an heir." He retorts, but he's smiling anyway.

"...We'll just figure out the details later, shall we?"

"O- oh..." She words, but inside she still thinks that he's going to be a good King and she's glad to be around to see it.

And it's still going to be fun.

* * *

 **A/N:  
**

Because a love story with King!Alistair needs a happy ending. Once in awhile.


End file.
